The Effects of WiFi on Population Growth

I know everyone thinks WiFi is all keen and sassy, but I have my doubts on the long term effects it will cause mankind -- specifically that of procreation.

Let's see, how can I explain this in a way that is both crude and a good bullet point? Oh I know!

CHICKS DON'T LIKE TO FUCK LAPTOPPER DORKS

What? Miss Blistex what the hell are you ranting about now?
Baby-sweetness-honey, walking around--in public--with a laptop and tooling around on it is NOT a good way to get you laid. How many times have you seen a guy at the coffee shop clacking away and thought "wow I so want to hit that?" no no no. Honey, you could look like Cary Grant, but believe me the minute a woman sees you pulling out your laptop anywhere in public she's gonna think your momma done brought you up something wrong.

Why do people bring a laptop to a bar? A coffee shop? To the park? What is wrong with you that you need to sheild yourself from human interaction with a dang computer? These are public places meant for socializing and possible sexual escapades. If you need to work on your computer why don't you just do it at home, in the privacy of your own space? Why on earth are you going and spending $4 on a coffee or beer to tool around on your stupid laptop when you can do the same thing at home for free, and in your underwear! If you want to go sit on a park bench, or flirt with the barista, get some balls and just do it instead of jerking off to this damn machine everytime you get too scared to take action. Granted sometimes a laptop in a bar with WiFi is nice because it settles stupid bar arguments -- other than that it really looks stupid.

So you are out and about doing your groovy little thing when you see someone clacking away looking all intese at the screen. If anything, you come to the conclusions that this person
1. Is a socially retarded weirdo.
2. Is too consumed by work to relax let alone have time to date or hump.
3. A closet homosexual
4. Probably enjoys playing D&D still
5. Doesn't have any friends besides work collegues
6. Gets laid once every two years
7. Tools around with electronic equipment in their basement trying to make a robot
8. Has every episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 on tape and cataloged
9. Has a framed picture of a Unicorn with rainbows in their living room
10. Can only communicate effectively through email and IM and is therefore a useless sack of crap
11. Is one of those people that pretends to talk on the cell phone to look important
12. Is a shit demon who probably has a PodCast

In closing, WiFi will contribute more to this occurance of guys who might be okay but are basically shooting themselves in the foot when it comes to attracting women. See women, we don't have to worry about this stuff as much because we know men will fuck just about anything that moves. But guys, trust me you have a better chance scoring wearing a white shirt with a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve than you do going out in public with that carrying case.