So Long Pervert!

I took matters into my own hands per the convicted sex offender living next door to me. After finding that he was convicted TWICE for raping a 3 year old and then a 6 year old you can just about assume I went ballistic and wanted to go shoot the guy.
I called my landlord asking how on earth could he let someone who under the definition of his release who is not curable and could strike again live in our nice little complex here. Let's just say he was pissed. Why? Because the fucker LIED on his lease application! Short of it is that he will be gone by tomorrow morning and admitted to lying. Shocker huh? You know instead of spending money on life terms and back-and-forth death row expenses, there is something to be said for the good ole fashioned Firing Squad.

Now the entertainment part:

So I promised a few of you some wonderful quotes from my grand dame of a mother. Well grand as she would like to be, it must be heredity because she always said of grandmama, "she's a legend in her own mind". My mother is a combination of Auntie Mame, Mrs. William Astor, and a typical Westpark bar hag. Like many a dame, she came from nothing, got lucky, and then became 'cultured' So here it goes:

"Of course Greece doesn't really have Greeks anymore, it's all Serbs these days"
"I'll get the Xanax"
"I love them as culture, I just don't like them as people"
"You can't leave for prom until I show you the proper way to eat an artichoke heart!"
"Darling this is a five star restaurant, you can order anything you want and they have to make it for you"
"You don't need a hospital, you just need more Xanax"
"Susan Sontag thought I was too girly-girl, but I think she has a pole in her ass"
"They are passionate like Italians, overly dramatic like the Serbs, throw in a chemical imbalance and you have the whole Baltic region right there!"
"Well there's The Ritz, and then The Plaza Athene if you want a somewhat good time. But why stop in Paris at all unless you plan on staying at those two?"
"Well that does it, Camille Paglia is erased from my Rolodex. I never thought she was so great anyhow. Only people with poor education think she's smart"
"Darling the party will be full of old playwrights, how can you say that doesn't sound fun?"
"Me stay at a Travelodge?! I'm offended you even entertained that thought!"
"After the Concord, Business Class just feels like coach all over again"
"I love that you have so many Latina friends, but as I've learned, don't piss them off. They call them fireballs for a reason"
"A country with a language that ugly is bound to produce another Adolf Hitler"
"Carole King told me I looked great for my age, I told her the same but I didn't mean it"
"In an expensive place like this the lights are always dim. You think these older women want people to see what they look like after plastic surgery?"
"Dian Von Furstenburg has to be the most vile and ugly creature I've ever seen. I do like her dresses though, they don't wrinkle in my luggage."
"I wasn't having lipo, I was having a very rare kind of dermabrasion done to my thighs"
"We are out of Xanax, I'll call grandmama and she if she has something similar"
"It doesn't matter that you are only 9. Do you want to be a real woman? Good, then drink the champaigne and like it!"